With A Little Help

I’m am so sick of being sick.

I think most everyone with an autoimmune disease feels like this, but last night was especially hard. I was sick again with swollen joints, all over pain that sort of makes me question why I go on, and a level of fatigue I’ve never felt – not even when The Juggernaut was an infant and I wasn’t sleeping at all. It was a friend’s birthday and a few people went out to celebrate it and I couldn’t go. Again. Because I’m sick. And broke from being sick in the first place. So I was feeling sorry for myself on an epic level. I could not get out of it, so matter what I did. ALL I saw was the negative and the poor me and the wah wah wah. WHY did this happen to me? WHY am I sick all the time? WHY isn’t my life exactly the way I want it to be? Seriously, Vivian Leigh would have been proud at the melodramatic dialogue in my head. I went to the dark side. I tend to do that. I know…I’m ridiculous.

It comes down to this: I want to feel better. I want to pain and the brain fog and the exhaustion to go away once and for all. I know I’m going to have this for the rest of my life, but it doesn’t have to be this bad all the time. There’s a treatment and I want it. I want it BAD. The total cost is not covered by my insurance (only the lab work is covered) and we are absolutely tapped out. It’s infutiating to have a solution so close and completely out of reach at the same time. One of my friends started a GoFundMe to pay for my medical treatment, so I’m posting it here in case anyone is able to help me out. https://www.gofundme.com/23z2s5g A lot of people have already and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I’m closing this post with someone else’s poetry. They can say this way better than I ever could or would.

What would you think if I sang out of tune
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
And I’ll try not to sing out of key
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you’re on your own?)
No I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)
I need somebody to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love

(Would you believe in a love at first sight?)
Yes I’m certain that it happens all the time
(What do you see when you turn out the light?)
I can’t tell you, but I know it’s mine
Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Oh I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends

(Do you need anybody?)
I just need someone to love
(Could it be anybody?)
I want somebody to love

Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends
Oh I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends

– Lennon & McCartney

 

 

 

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