I’m sorry I’ve been MIA, my friends. A lot of shit went down in my life and I had about two weeks to reconcile…well, everything. It’s still not settled and I feel untethered, which I hate. I am definitely a person in deep need of a tether.
Yesterday was insanely awful. I woke up angry. Like really angry. The Juggernaut’s preschool had a Mother’s Day breakfast planned for the morning and I wanted to go about as much as I want to give him a baby brother or sister (aka NOT AT ALL). I had no energy to be social with anyone and really just wanted to go home and make some gluten free cinnamon toast and try to finish my newest assignment in the middle of unpacking my downsized space with a New York kitchen and not quite enough storage. GAH!
Then I went outside to sit with the other moms and kids and I saw him. The beautiful little boy who lost his mom to cancer a few months ago, sitting alone at a table, surrounded by other kids with their moms. And my bad mood just melted away. We sat down with him and shared bagels and berries and watermelon and talked about which fruits smoosh the best when you use your thumb. My lovely little only child had no problem sharing me with his friend – it was like he knew. I cried the whole way home for a mom I barely knew who had to leave her little boy too soon. I sobbed and hoped that if my little one is ever in that situation, someone will sit with him and talk to him about whatever he wants. I wept because kids aren’t supposed to lose their moms (or dads) ever, let along when they are still babies.
I still felt sad, but connected to the world where my sometimes shitty attitude needs to get checked and balanced. And just to get me back on track with being super fucking grouchy, our car was broken into last night.
Well played, Universe. Well played.