I have a horrible migraine and will probably be setting my laptop down a few times to evacuate the contents of my stomach, but I haven’t posted in a few days and there’s a lot on my mind.
Husbandito and I are in a lot of financial trouble. Like A LOT. A little of it is of our own making and the rest of it is a direct result of my illness – it’s like a sister-wife that my husband had no interest in ever introducing into our marriage. See, I have a hard time working in an office right now and, as a writer, in order to make the big bucks (ie. a living wage), I need to be working in some type of advertising/marketing position. Except some days I am so weak That I cannot get out of bed. This is not my natural state. I’ve always been a hard worker and, sadly, this is not possible when I’m sick. The HILARIOUS part of this whole scenario is that stress makes me sicker. And I am beyond stressed, so I keep getting sicker.
I’m losing hope. I have to believe that other people believe and I have never been one to rely on the kindness of strangers. Or friends. Or even family members. It’s always been me against the universe.
And the universe is kicking. My. ASS.
There’s a part in the book ‘Peter Pan’ by J.M. Barrie where Tinkerbell is dying and the reader is implored to clap their hands if they believe in fairies. When I was a child, I would set the book down and clap my hands like MY life depended on it. My life depends on believing now, on having hope and I am just tapped out.