As stated in previous posts, I’m sick. I don’t have anything that’s going to actually kill me (at least, I hope not), but I do have two autoimmune diseases that will continue to make my life pretty damn miserable. I have to sleep a lot, follow a very specific diet, and try to avoid stress. Hilarious, the stress part.
The Juggernaut was singing along to the Sesame Street theme song today and sang “Stressame Street” instead. That’s where I live – on Stressame Street.
So I meditate. Well, attempt to. And do yoga. Well, attempt to. I take supplements for energy and supplements to calm down and supplements to supplement what I’m missing and what I want to scream is that I am missing MY LIFE. I need to sleep about 14 hours each day to function somewhat properly. I see doctors and get blood tests and they tell me my numbers are “within normal” and then sort of ignore me and hope that I will go away. The sad thing is I am so tired from fighting this that I do just go away. It doesn’t feel worth it. I start making compromises and telling myself “It’s not that bad”. And I don’t look sick. Maybe if I were bald and hooked up to an IV I would have an easier time admitting to myself that I have a chronic illness. Maybe then I wouldn’t cry because the thought of having to go to the grocery store makes me realize I’ll need to nap for three hours after.
To quote the kids, “FML.”.